


Don't Have Romantic Music Playing Over Vader Please God

by Ommallaredpanda



Series: The Miscellaneous Adventures of Vader Senior, Vader Junior and Vader Junior-ette [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Sarcasm, Vader is a twink, bit by me at least. in the fic? sure ig, but it really isnt, but it's fuckin hilarious, inspired by a YouTube comment section, making fun of fanfic, please don't judge me this isn't what I usually write, someone come confiscate my keyboard, video link in AN, with fanfic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 20:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30128553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ommallaredpanda/pseuds/Ommallaredpanda
Summary: Me, an avid fanfic writer, poking fun at romantic trends in fanfic using Darth Vader and a lesser known Imp.No smut, but dirty.
Relationships: Darth Vader/Tiaan Jerjerrod
Series: The Miscellaneous Adventures of Vader Senior, Vader Junior and Vader Junior-ette [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1495757
Comments: 8
Kudos: 3





	1. Entrance of the Rabbit Hole

**Author's Note:**

> For those who wish to look upon the monstrosity which birthed this creation:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYud9sZ91Mc&list=PL_2dmqQzOcjWvPTUhrENe2b7XLajxkixK&index=62
> 
> Formatting, spelling and grammar will all be off because A) I wrote it in a YT comment and B) I aint editing VaderxTiaan. Just. No.
> 
> More may come when my brain implodes again.

Tiaan couldn't help but lick his lips as Darth Vader - his master - descended from the lowering ramp. Everything was just as he remembered; leather encasing well-trained muscles and powerful prosthetics. As with every other time they encountered each other, Tiaan made a concsious effort to ignore his more...  depraved thoughts. It was rumoured his Lord could read minds, and the consequences of these particular thoughts being read would be... Unpleasant, most likely, despite how he hoped, wanted,  needed it not to be so.

Lost in his thoughts, it took a full cycle of that chilling breathing to bring him back to his senses. Tiaan couldn't help himself; he had to soak in every inch of that black-clad figure.

"Jerjerrod?"

He swallowed thickly. Sweet stars, that voice. "Yes, sir?"

"... You are staring."

Tiann blinked. Looked up into the blank mask's eyes. "N-no...!"

"Oh..." The towering Sith hung his head.

"N-not that there's nothing to stare at!" Tiaan licked his lips.

Vader looked up again, orbs sparkling with unshed tears behind the mask, "R-really?"

"Yeah," Tiaan whispered. He was filled with a fuzzy warmth. Perhaps his dreams were coming true? "I- uh. I kinda... Like you?"

A soft gasp from his superior. In the background, fading away, Stormtroopers began to applaud.

"I-... Like you too!" More cheers. Tiaan let out a huff of breath, relieved. Then he leant in, whispered right next to his boss' chest, one hand on the armour, "Choke me, daddy ;)"


	2. There is Something Wrong With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The brain imploded again.
> 
> Five seconds after the previous one.
> 
> Feck.
> 
> Warning: sleep deprivation and I'm making fun of bad romance fic. Which is horny as all hell. So. Horniness ahead (but no skidoodling).

Tiaan pulled his newly found lover through the halls of the _Executor_ , giggling and rubbing a thumb over Vader's leather-bound hand. Stormtroopers they passed took a double take. Some started clapping, others simply shook their heads, as if disappointed. Tiaan scowled at them, because, for _no discernable reason_ , some people couldn't accept or see Darth Vader for his goth, twink self! It was disgraceful; such bigotry in the Empire.

Within the time it took to arrive at Vader's quarters, Tiaan had fallen so very _deeply_ in love. Five minutes ago, he had felt what he thought was burning passion, after interacting only twice with the mysterious man now beside him. But it had all been leading to this emotion he felt stirring deep within him, "Milord, do you want to pound my bussy?" Tiaan murmured in his most sultry voice.

Behind the mask Vader's orbs welled up and the twink put his pointy fingers together, stooping submissively, "Y-yes pwease master."

They almost fell into Vader's chambers, only to be met with blasting pink on every surface and wardrobes filled to breaking point with maid outfits, especially tailored to fit over Vader's bulky suit. Tiaan stared around in awe and was lead further in by the inviting living area. There was nothing to mark his Lord's personality, only pinups of bare-chested Imperials. One of Tarkin bore lipsticked smooches. Tiaan scowled at the sight, but was appeased by the reappearance of his favourite twink catboy.

"We only just met properly, but I am so deeply in love with you, despite everything else, prota- _Tiaan_!" Vader proclaimed lovingly, towering over Tiaan, "My entire life now revolves around you <3 <3 <3 :3"

Tiaan couldn't help but take note of how close his twink was standing, all tall and smooth leather and grotesque scars hidden beneath the suit. So sexy. It was all he could be concerned with and his lusty orbs roamed the form before him.

**UwU**

It had been a few more minutes, a total of five since they had their first introduction, and Tiaan was bent down on one knee, proffering a Space Haribo ring to his lover, who slowly, sadly, refused.

"Love of my life, oh partner of mine soul! I am already betrothed :("

Tiaan gasped in shock. How awful. Far more awful than the sight of Tarkin, bare-chested and displaying his white body haird and wrinkles for all the lusty world and bedecked with lipsticked smooches! He felt rage, blasting up from within. A beast, caged inside of him and roaring to be freed!! "Who, my love? _Who_?!"

Vader shook his head meekly, pointy fingers poking at each other shyly.

Tiaan's orbs glistened with rage-induced tears and he could barely breath. "Please, you must tell me! Despite the limited amount of time we have spent together on this mortal coil, I lust for you _heart and soul_!!"

"... P- palpatine ;^;"

Dun dun DUUUUUN *shakey camera zoom in*

"My highschool bully?!??!"

"I chose to be with him, but now my choice is being overwhelmed by your sexiness and pure, _unfiltered_ masculinity, Tiaan!" Vader sobbed, glistening orbs wide behind his mask.

Tiaan's chest puffed up and he grinned, masculinely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Take away my keyboard please it's 1am ;-;
> 
> Also yes I am slightly salty about portrayal of women in the media s h u t this is crack no serious only cracc 
> 
> T-T

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're as horrified as I am. Also, the rest of the five in the series you see below are serious and pretty angst just an fyi >;)


End file.
